I want to touch various cultures

My first Christmas away from home, what to do? My travels took me to the sunny climes of Thailand along with my 3 other very British friends Alex, Steve and Michael. Oh, and what an adventure we were about to have… 

17. Haggling – when first stepping foot out of the airport it was apparent that our bartering skills would be needed from the off. What we first thought was a great price for a taxi, we quickly discovered we’d been rinsed like the wealthy tourists we were. Quick, sharp, I was soon haggling for Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses (the real deal of course, darling) for a mere 200 baht (that’s £4 to you and me, a steal) By the end of the holiday I found myself haggling in my dreams. 

16. A multitude of smells – Another thing to hits you upon arrival. Some pleasant, some definitely not. I’m sorry to say that those unpleasant smells rather overpowered the pleasant ones and have imprinted themselves on my memory…ooo is that rotting fish? 

15. Dirt cheap – once you’ve got your haggling skills honed you can grab all the bargains you desire, from novelty shell elephants, golliwogs (yes, I’m afraid to say they were for sale) to delicious street vendor catfish. ‘Cheep’ like the Budgie. 

14. Taxis – once bitten and twice shy when it comes to getting a taxi for the right price. Taxis will drive you for far less than you would like to imagine. Our most successful haggling technique for our friendly taxi drivers was to offer a price, then if we were refused we’d turn and start making tracks. 80% of the time it worked. If it didn’t, no matter, one of the other 1,000,000 would be sure to give us a ride. 

13. Thai time – when asking how long anything would take to anywhere we were offered two time scales, ’10 minutes’ or ‘long time.’ 10 Thai minutes can last from anything between that instant or 1 hour. If you happen to be told that it’ll take a ‘long time’, well all I can say is gird those loins of yours. You could be there for days. 

12. Spicy-ness – When the Thai say it’s spicy, don’t order it. Your brain will melt. 

11. Even if you’re not understood, you will always feel like you have been.  

‘How do I get there?’ 

‘mmm yes’. 

Brilliant. 

10. Thailand is overrun with tourists (I know I can’t talk)– as much as it’s great that tourists can provide an income for many Thais, I’m afraid to say that in most of the large cities it feels as though it’s ravaging the country. If you want the authentic Thai experience DON’T stay in all the recommended places. Go off the map a little, it may be a little harder, but it’ll certainly be authentic, and then at least you won’t run in to Gav-laa and his posse of ladz on tour… 

9. Even when it’s raining it’s hot. We found this out on Christmas day. Swimming in the pool overlooking the sea with the warm rain. 

8. Toilets. Good luck finding anything more than a glorified, porcelain-ed hole in the ground. Don’t even bother looking for soap. 

7. Coach travel – this was the majority of our travelling around Thailand, and our buses/coaches varied massively. From plush leather VIP video playing mini-buses to dripping faulty air-conditioned beasts. I feel that I have experienced my fair share of coaches now. Yes, that will be one limousine taxi with pull-out bed and Jacuzzi to transport me everywhere, please. 

6. The Thai are incredibly friendly and not afraid to give you a hug. Lovely. 

5. They know how to run a bar, especially a beach bar. We found our fair share of them and a good time we had too. New Year's Eve spent at a beach bar offering 2 for 1 gin and tonics, watching fire works and lanterns rise and burst in the sky. 

4. Fireworks are no safety hazard for the Thais – I nearly got blown up. I got away with ringing ears. Living life on the edge folks. 

3. The lady boy game – not much more needs to be said. Spot the lady boy. 

2. Treacherous drivers – dear god man DO NOT watch what the driver is doing or how he is driving, you will soil yourself. Guaranteed. 

1. It really is rather beautiful – so all in all, we have a country full of tourists, hagglers, friendly lady boys, terrifying taxi drivers and pyromaniacs. Not a bad lot for an exciting holiday really. All topped off by how incredibly beautiful the country is. My mind was blown, and shall be permanently.