My first Christmas away from
home, what to do? My travels took me to the sunny climes of Thailand along with
my 3 other very British friends Alex, Steve and Michael. Oh, and what an
adventure we were about to have…
17. Haggling – when first
stepping foot out of the airport it was apparent that our bartering skills
would be needed from the off. What we first thought was a great price for a
taxi, we quickly discovered we’d been rinsed like the wealthy tourists we were.
Quick, sharp, I was soon haggling for Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses (the real
deal of course, darling) for a mere 200 baht (that’s £4 to you and me, a steal) By
the end of the holiday I found myself haggling in my dreams.
16. A multitude of smells –
Another thing to hits you upon arrival. Some pleasant, some
definitely not. I’m sorry to say that those unpleasant smells rather
overpowered the pleasant ones and have imprinted themselves on my
memory…ooo is that rotting fish?
15. Dirt cheap – once you’ve
got your haggling skills honed you can grab all the bargains you desire, from
novelty shell elephants, golliwogs (yes, I’m afraid to say they were for sale)
to delicious street vendor catfish. ‘Cheep’ like the Budgie.
14. Taxis – once bitten
and twice shy when it comes to getting a taxi for the right price. Taxis will
drive you for far less than you would like to imagine. Our most successful
haggling technique for our friendly taxi drivers was to offer a price,
then if we were refused we’d turn and start making tracks. 80% of the time
it worked. If it didn’t, no matter, one of the other 1,000,000 would be sure to
give us a ride.
13. Thai time – when
asking how long anything would take to anywhere we were offered two time
scales, ’10 minutes’ or ‘long time.’ 10 Thai minutes can last from anything
between that instant or 1 hour. If you happen to be told that it’ll
take a ‘long time’, well all I can say is gird those loins of yours. You could
be there for days.
12. Spicy-ness – When the
Thai say it’s spicy, don’t order it. Your brain will melt.
11. Even if you’re not
understood, you will always feel like you have been.
‘How do I get there?’
‘mmm yes’.
Brilliant.
10. Thailand is overrun with
tourists (I know I can’t talk)– as much as it’s great that tourists
can provide an income for many Thais, I’m afraid to say that in most of the
large cities it feels as though it’s ravaging the country. If you want the
authentic Thai experience DON’T stay in all the recommended places. Go off the
map a little, it may be a little harder, but it’ll certainly be authentic, and
then at least you won’t run in to Gav-laa and his posse of ladz on tour…
9. Even when it’s raining it’s
hot. We found this out on Christmas day. Swimming in the pool overlooking the
sea with the warm rain.
8. Toilets. Good luck finding
anything more than a glorified, porcelain-ed hole in the ground. Don’t even
bother looking for soap.
7. Coach travel – this was
the majority of our travelling around Thailand, and our buses/coaches varied
massively. From plush leather VIP video playing mini-buses to dripping faulty
air-conditioned beasts. I feel that I have experienced my fair share of coaches
now. Yes, that will be one limousine taxi with pull-out bed and Jacuzzi to
transport me everywhere, please.
6. The Thai are incredibly
friendly and not afraid to give you a hug. Lovely.
5. They know how to run a bar,
especially a beach bar. We found our fair share of them and a good time we had
too. New Year's Eve spent at a beach bar offering 2 for 1 gin and tonics,
watching fire works and lanterns rise and burst in the sky.
4. Fireworks are no safety
hazard for the Thais – I nearly got blown up. I got away with ringing
ears. Living life on the edge folks.
3. The lady boy game – not much
more needs to be said. Spot the lady boy.
2. Treacherous drivers –
dear god man DO NOT watch what the driver is doing or how he is driving, you
will soil yourself. Guaranteed.
1. It really is rather
beautiful – so all in all, we have a country full of tourists, hagglers,
friendly lady boys, terrifying taxi drivers and pyromaniacs. Not a bad lot for
an exciting holiday really. All topped off by how incredibly beautiful the
country is. My mind was blown, and shall be permanently.
