He is an easel who write this picture.

I am foreign.

I realize that is one of my more obvious statements, but it needs to be said and there’s no non-stereotypically-racist way of covering it up. I’m white, I have light (ish) brown hair, I have blue eyes, I often look lost.

I am a foreigner.

I am a gaijin.

15. As I said in one of my previous (ever so eloquently written) blogs, everyone here is Japanese. I have become part of the ethnic minority for the first time in my life. With this new status come some perks, and some other things which aren’t so perky.

14. Being a foreigner who speaks English is a bit of an advantage over all those other foreigners who don’t. In Japan, English is taught inprimary school, and continues right up to the nearly ripe old, grown up age of 18. So, the basics are there. HOWEVER, in most cases, they’re actually not. I know this means that I need to pull my finger out and actually crack on with this learning Japanese malarkey, but I doubt that any Japanese lesson is going to teach me how to say, ‘can you help me steal this Japanese baby?’ (I realise that this isn’t a normal phrase found in the Japanese/English curriculum, but they’re just so damn cute.)

13. Before you decide that I am a horrendous human being who just cannot be bothered respectfully to learn the language of the country in which I reside, I have mastered a few essentials. Namely, ‘3 gin and tonics please,’ ‘My name is Rebecca,’ and the most important of all,‘where is the toilet?’ Which I can proudly boast I am able to say in 6 languages (naturally counting American as separate from English.)

12. One thing that comes with notbeingfromJapan is the whole etiquette issue. Manners are totally different here. It took me a long time to stop starting my drink before everyone else had theirs, and I’m nearly there with getting my bow at just the right angle with the perfect amount of longevity in the descent and ascent.

11. If you are at one with the basics of Japanese etiquette, which really is quite a big thing over here by the way, you will find yourself greeted with an acknowledging smile, maybe even a clap here and there, and of course the obligatory round of ‘aaaaaah!’

10. Another way to make you, and your ego, feel pretty darn good is to whap out the little Japanese you do know, specifically at work parties. It has be known for me to only say ‘konnichiwa’ to be applauded and congratulated on how really very excellent my Japanese is. Thank you, I do try, sometimes, not really.

9. Now, there is a down side to everybody thinking that you’re fabulous; I believe it’s known in the medical trade as ‘cockiness.’ It has taken weeks of self-counselling to be able to admit that I have fallen prey to this ‘cockiness.’ One, two, three, or maybe even nine gin and tonics down the line and I become Lebecca Losu; teacher, and all knowing master of Japanese, sometimes even venturing to correct those who do actually, in sober reality speak Japanese, pretty fluently really, because they are in fact…Japanese.

8. Being stared at on the train is something I’ve worryingly started to get used to. Normally the owner of the stare is between the age of 0 –11 and adorable. However when the owner of said stare is a quite smelly, 50 something, sitting too close to you old man, adorable doesn’t seem to be quite the right adjective to use…

7. However, I’ve come up with a battle plan for all those unwanted stares. Simply put, I pull a funny face back. More often than not this does the trick, as most Japanese people will realise that they’ve possibly been staring at someone who’s just been released from some kind of institute, and therefore shouldn’t try to startle the mental foreigner lest anything upsetting should occur.

6. When I’m feeling a little less like an escapee from Dr. Ivegotamassiveneedle’s asylum, I welcome the incredibly kind folk, who usually have flawless English, as they come up to me in train stations when I’ve got my ‘I’m lost!’ face on, to then guide me through the tangled cobweb that is the Japanese railway system. Arigatou gozaimasu.

5. It has been known for the one being stared at to change roles and become the staree. I have fallen into this trap. The problem occurs when you spot a fellow foreigner in the distance, in the same shop, or sitting in the same train carriage. I have stared, and done so unashamedly…let me tell you why;

4. As I mentioned before Japan is very Japanese, therefore we foreigners are relatively few and far between, especially the more rural you go. So, when do you do spy someone who doesn’t quite look like they fit in properly, the immediate reaction is to stare, work out if you know them, guess what job they do, and where they’re from. Naturally the problem with this is that one can start to stare for a tad longer than is perceived reasonable and polite, that when they turn to meet your gaze, all you can do is feign familiarity; nod, smile, and wave that weird little wave you thought only the queen did. The mix of feelings after such an encounter usually consists of awkwardness,embarrassment, camaraderie and stupidity. Ah well, we’ve all been there and done the ‘I’m waving at you but have now realised that I completely don’t know who you are so I will continue waving as though I know the person behind you,’ wave. Admit it.

3. Work brings its own special little highlights for the token non-native. At work parties (held fairly regularly throughout the year) I have been asked to perform When the saints go marching in wearing a multicoloured afro wig, sing Amazing Grace, and also sing the school song, solo, in Japanese, at a pitch suitable for an 11 year old eunuch. Obviously, I have always stepped up to these challenges.

2. At times, I have to admit that there are those rare occasions when my fuse gets rather short and the language barrier becomes one that neither party is able to penetrate. When such occasions arise, I have simply had to mumble the niceties I’ve now got down to a T, walk out of whichever establishment I’m in, and go and buy myself some chocolate from a vending machine that won’t speak to me. Sugared and prepped, I’m ready once more to be a nice person.

1. The most important point I much stress about being a slightly longer than temporary visitor here, is that I have never encountered such kindness and thoughtfulness from such a large group of people before. Japan is a place where politeness and respect are paramount. Any problems I have, or any silly little questions I need answering, are solved and answered as quickly as possible. Yes, there are times when things are off putting or frustrating, but I really do feel incredibly welcome and as though I’ve made some friends for life. Now, let’s just find me a husband.